either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
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