i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
