He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Your penis caused this!
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