You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
