I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Randomize
