well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I am mentally ready for anal.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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