Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Randomize
