she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
