You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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