just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
