just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
