he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Randomize
