You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
