Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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