I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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