so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
