Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
