ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
