At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
zippers are such a cool invention
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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