We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
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