I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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