her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
