tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
