I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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