just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
