Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
My penis needs a shock collar
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
