her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
