she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who died my cat blue again?
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
