dude your alot more fun to hang out around now that your addicted to coke...but seriously you need to stop
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
