you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
