$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
