fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
