i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
Well I just put wine in my tea
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
