she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
