It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
