im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
