I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
