Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
