if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
