hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
