You work out of a Hotel?
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
