wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
