He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Randomize
