I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I pour the whiskey from now on
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
