The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
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