this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
