I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
