I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Randomize
