He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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