what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
send nudes
from the living room?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
