Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
