you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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